So I know I'm completely lame with my blog. But I need it right now.
There is alot of stuff going on with me and Chris right now. it totally sucks. were taking a break right now...but i need him more than ever at the moment. I'm so stressed with no having a job that I'm taking it out on everyone. especially Chris since hes the closest person to me. hes my absolutely best friend. and i tell him everything. so i guess its a given to take my shit out on him.
on top of all that my dad is in the hospital. i don't want to go into detail why...but he'll be in there for a few days. Chris came down to see him last night. and it was probably the best thing that happened..we talked for 2 hours. we laughed. i cried. i smiled. we hugged. we kissed. it was perfect. if only every moment together could be like that. instead of all the fighting, crying, etc.
so i told him that i wont text him or call him. and he should call me when hes ready, after hes done thinking about what we should do. i know i want to be with him. and i know he wants to be with me. but right now, its hard. tomorrow, I'm gonna hustle and look for a job. as long as it pays what i need to survive and the hours are decent...i need 40 hours at least.
i really would like a job that paid what i use to make..so i could start saving for a house for me and Chris. but that's probably not happening anytime soon. the economy still sucks.
I'm also working on being a better person. i need to be nicer to m family & friends but especially Christopher. something needs to change.
& I'm also getting back to the gym...and I'm actually gonna work out after this blog. i miss my 110lb body! flat tummy, my thighs didn't touch, hip bones & collar bones were popped out but not in a skinny scary kind of way. i just want to be toned, in shape, and look good for Chris.
we've been together for 4 years, and in every relationship, you get comfortable and let yourself go...well I'm at the point where I'm sick of looking at myself. not being able to fit in my old clothes. not looking good in my present clothes. i wanna look cute in dresses, jeans, shorts, my bikinis again. its just hard.
well I'm kind of getting anxious to work out, which i haven't felt in a few months! so i have to start now before the feeling fades!
♥
